How to Harness a Horse
How to Harness a Horse
Most of us descend from an agricultural society. We lust for freshly plowed ground. The smells and textures, the excitement of possibilities. What's getting in the way of fulfilling this desire? You just don’t know how to harness a horse.
So you've figured out how to catch the horse. It’s a good horse. This horse has done the job many times before. You are the new one, the novice. So it should be easy right?
You're standing in the barnyard with the lead line in your hand. Bill (the horse) is standing beside you patiently.
What's next? You know you want to plow the field. You want to grow something, probably food. Maybe not, it might be fun to grow some sort of fiber. Where are you going to sell your crop? Maybe you will just give it away. Welp, that slippery slope just wasted 10 minutes, get to work.
What's next? Bill has been waiting so patiently for you to figure out your marketing plan. You should probably find a spot to tie him up so you can get to work. The two of you walk into the barn. There is an old ring on a post. You suspect that is where horses have been tied in the past. It's kinda far from where you hung the harness up though. Maybe there is a spot closer, you go check it out. Yeah there is a sturdy old cow manger, but there is no ring. You have a bucket of old hardware in the shed.
You bring Bill back over to the first ring and tie him up. He is such a handsome fella. You can’t help but to stand there and be in awe of this 2000 lb gentle giant. He has a few burs in his mane so you take a minute to pull them out. Wow, that smell! When you get up close you can’t help yourself. The combination of sweat, grass, sunshine, and a few thousand years of coevolution just pulls you in. You put your face on his neck and breathe deeply. Now you are thinking, is it the smell? It almost feels magnetic. Is there another sense that you are not aware of, something you didn’t learn about in school? Ok, you are wasting time again, you have a field to plow.
What's next? Off to the shed. Well technically it's not a shed, it's an old chicken coop. You know the type. Long and low, oriented east to west so that the winter sun will shine in through the southern facing windows. These are very common. It wasn’t long ago everybody had a few hundred laying hens in their backyards. Eggs were aggregated and marketed to larger towns nearby. Now it is used for storage, looks like it has for at least 50 years. Before you step in to find that bucket of hardware you catch a glimpse of what this hen house looked like when it was used for its original purpose. You can picture a woman in a homemade apron tossing around some scratch feed for the hens after she lets them out into the morning sun. A few kids are doing the daily scavenger hunt for eggs. Something about picking eggs is addicting. Yeah most of the time they are in the nesting boxes where you expect them, but what other surprises await? Adults sometimes forget how fun it is to look for eggs. But kids, they are still smart. My mother once told me you are born knowing everything in the world, and through experience you slowly get dumber and dumber everyday. Sure feels that way standing here picturing kids hunting for eggs when you should be plowing the field.
What’s next? That was easy. There was a ring and giant staple right on top of the old hardware bucket. Grab a hammer and head back to the barn. It was cool this morning, just above freezing, and the hardware is cold in your hands. It is good old iron, a bit rusty, but solid. For some reason rusty metal has a different feel when it is cold, almost like the years of experience have made it better at handling the discomfort. Bill is still standing patiently. Wow he sure makes this easy. You stop to give him another sniff, and to rub a bit of hay off his back. It's spring so he is shedding pretty heavy. You will give him a good thorough brushing before you get to work, but it feels nice to slowly slide your hand down his back. It seems like the hair along his spine is shedding the most. Your hand works almost like a squeegee. Sliding along with a big pile of course winter hair building up until it can't hold any more and it falls off. The shiny new spring hair underneath is so smooth. Bill is black, but it looks like there are spots in his spring hair? You have only had him for a month and he has been black the whole time. Huh? Stay focused, you are wasting your time again, you have work to do.
What’s next? Ok, you just need to go put this ring up near the harness and you can get to work. This old ring and staple were hand forged. Kinda crazy. It would have taken so much work just to blacksmith this thing to tie up a horse. Not to mention mine the ore. You could never justify putting that much time into such a basic task. Nowadays you can just drive down to the hardware store and buy one for $8.99. Well it's probably more now, inflation and all. Yeah, plus factor in the price of gas, and tires, shit! Insurance, taxes, ugghh everything cost so much. But at least it would be much more efficient in our modern day. Blacksmithing is cool but it seems so inefficient. How old do you suppose this ring is? Could easily be 100 years, or maybe even 20. It is well built. Stored in a dry spot it should last for a few hundred more years. Actually now that you think about it, there are a couple of rings just like this on the outside of the barn. They are lasting just fine. They are worn a little more from use, that was probably where the team would get tied daily when waiting in harness for the next job. Speaking of jobs, you are wasting your time again. Go hammer the damn staple in.
What’s next? With all of this wasting time, the sun has shifted in through the barn door. It is shining on Bill’s black fur. Sure looks like he is taking a nap and really enjoying that mid morning sun. Wake up buddy we have a field to plow. Ok, the new ring seems like it is in a good spot. You grab a brush and get to work. Bill must be itchy from all of the shedding. He has been rolling around in the pasture and his right side is coated with mud. Your fields are on the clayey side of loam. When it dries it looks like pottery on his hair. Surprisingly it brushes off very easily. Turns into a fine dust and blows all around. Your hands turn grey almost instantly. The soil grabs a hold of the horsey smell, when the dust settles inside your nose it is pretty potent. You turn your head away to avoid sniffing in too much. Not as nice smelling as the horse itself. Something about the detachment of the smell from the body of the horse. You are proud of the dust and the smell, but you know if you went to grab lunch with a friend they would turn their noses up. But I bet if they were standing next to this horse they would agree with my daughter. “The best perfume is horse sweat!”
You spend a little too much time brushing and zoning out. Better get to work. The back legs are a bit more of a project. The combination of the spring mud and the fact that manure inevitably gets mixed in you have a perfect recipe for adobe. I have always been curious about those Masai huts in Africa. I heard they mix cow manure with straw to build the walls, suppose you gotta do what you gotta do. You brush down the back legs. Kinda awkward position and pretty heavily crusted on. In your rush you brush onto the chestnut. The chestnut is interesting. It seems like it would hurt the horse if you brush it too hard but it also has no nerves. It’s a vestigial appendage. Basically a dried up thumb that is no longer needed for horses, but it’s still sorta there. Although it is vestigial, maybe it has a subtle purpose. Nothing concrete. A distant memory of climbing trees. Kinda like growing up. Every year you just keep getting dumber and dumber, but once in a while you look at your bare feet and remember how important the feeling of mud between your toes once was. Stay focused you are wasting time again, you gotta get the brushing done, get the harness on, and plow the field!
What’s next? Bill seems to be enjoying everything up until now. Watching the field, napping in the sunshine, getting a brush down. He doesn't care if we get the field plowed. People often ask “do the horses like to work” I’m pretty convinced they are like the rest of us. They like to get dressed up for work, and they like to end the work day, everything in the middle; you do what you gotta do. It is a common misconception that when a horse is pushing hard, snorting, and just generally going for it; that they are enjoying the work. Most of the time these are just signs of anxiety. The natural instinct to power through and get past the pressure is a survival mechanism in the horse. Much more work will get done by the relaxed, almost lazy looking horse. They aren't wasting energy on excitement or fear, they are being intentional and efficient about their movements. Huh, what about us? Is it the same for humans? We pride ourselves in being hard workers and pushing up until the breaking point. Is that the most effective way to get the job done? There you go philosophizing again. Gotta get the field plowed.
What’s next? Time to harness the horse. You started this process nearly two hours ago. Yes you want to get the field plowed but you know realistically today was about getting Bill in his harness for the first time since you bought him. I mean honestly you don't even know what you are planting or why. This harness came with Bill so you know it fits him. It is a different style than you are used to so it might take a minute to get it right.It is an old leather harness. You know you will probably replace it with a modern nylon, or biothane harness because it is practical. Leather is difficult to clean and doesn’t last as long. But damn! Look at the craftsmanship. This harness is probably over 20 years old and it is still in pretty decent shape. Bill is only 8 so you know other horses have used this harness. How many do you think? The previous owners must have taken the time to clean and oil it well for it to last this long. Man, back to the smell. These old leather harnesses smell amazing. There is something carnal about leather, humans have been using animal hides since we have had canine teeth. The connection is undeniable, is it the smell though? The feel is great too, and it is beautiful. I dunno. Truthfully though you just don’t have the time to do that. It was different back then, you will need a synthetic harness so that you don’t waste so much time with maintenance, it's just not practical.
It went on pretty well, Bill was patient, but something doesn’t look right. This harness came with Bill, but maybe he never actually used it, or maybe it just wasn’t adjusted right. He is pretty tall and it would probably be easier to loosen the Conway buckles on a sawhorse instead of a real horse. Grab a sawhorse from the chicken shed, take off the harness.
Who was Conway? These Conway buckles are a pain in the ass, but that's what makes them so elegant. They just plain work. Maybe there is a better option, something that is quicker to adjust.
Things are starting to look right. Time to slip on the bridle. The bit is cold hard steel. I mean, I wouldn’t want that thing in my mouth right now. Stuff it in your jacket to warm it up. It could take a minute so you walk over to the sunny doorway to take another look at the field. Wow the air outside is so fresh. You quickly get used to the dark and dusty barn, but you don’t realize what you are missing until you walk outside and breathe it in deeply. I wonder if Bill would feel the same way. He is all harnessed up, no need to stand inside anymore. Bring him out to those old rings on the outside of the barn. Wow what a perfect spot. At this time of the morning the sun hits it just right. Bill cocks his back leg to show he is content. Yeah buddy me too. Grab a bucket, flip it upside down, and lean against the warm barn wall.
